Chris Davis may or may not be a mythical sea creature

ANGER

By Andrew Meyer

The Kraken is a mythical sea creature that terrorized Norway and Greenland, while “Chris Davis” is a baseball player. The Kraken made a return to the collective forefront in the 2010 Liam Neeson needed some cash classic, Clash of the Titans, only to be defeated by Sam Worthington. Is it possible that after reeling from this public defeat, he took over the spirit of Chris Davis, then a player who after hitting 17 home runs in his first 80 games, struggled to even hit .200 and was part of a package for Koji Uehara? Here is what we know

  • Chris Davis has a league leading 20 Home Runs, and his .357/.440/.754 triple slash ranks 2nd, 4th, and 1st as well
  • His Isolated Slugging is .397, which would tie for 9th if it was his OBP
  • Since being traded to the Orioles, Chris Davis has hit 55 Home Runs
  • The Kraken was missing from the 2012 Wrath of the Titans, while Chris Davis hit 33 Home Runs.
  • Chris Davis did this against the Rays, an inferior sea creature when compared to say….. A giant squid
  • He has eaten the hulls of three ships in the inner harbor of Baltimore, which is similar to the ways the Kraken woul……. Oh ok, that’s actually only what happens in this slash fiction being written by someone who is not me
  • Due to it’s sheer size, often when sailors saw a sleeping Kraken, they would mistake it for an island, only to be eaten by a surprised and angrily awoken sea beast when they pulled up.
  • That last bullet point has nothing to do with Chris Davis, and everything to do with how terrible life was in 13th Century Norway
  • Like really, you have been out at sea all night, and then you see the first landmass in hours, decide to sleep on land, and then BOOM EATEN
  • The .gif at the top is similar to the one used by the post on one of my friends blog, which is also the top result if you ever want to search Chis Davis Shirtless
  • I have searched this several times
  • My google ads are really weird
  • Chris Davis has an wRC+ that is over 200 (it’s 211), which would be higher than any player’s since 2004, when some Bonds guy had 233
  • Kanye West’s upcoming album, Yeezus, is actually just dedicated to Chris Davis
  • In the Marvel comic universe, the Kraken is given his power by his helmet, which is currently worn by Nick Fury’s younger brother
  • I need to finish this before I just talk about comics

So, am I saying Chris Davis is actually the Kraken? I am not actually sure. Would it be awesome? No idea. Should I sleep more? yes.

In conclusion, Chris Davis is awesome, and mythical.

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3 comments

  1. Pingback: Latest Leaders – May 2013 « MLB.com Blogs Central
  2. Pingback: Predicting the American League All-Star Game Roster « Formerly Fausto: A Baseball Blog
  3. Pingback: Instant Reactions: AL All-Star Game Roster Selections « Formerly Fausto: A Baseball Blog

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